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life ain't chess

This is a personal blog.


raya tomorrow.

dude.what is happening to me.everytime i sleep,i’ll dream,and everytime i dream,she’s in it.she’s in my dreams.yes,i’ve been thinking about her lately.probably way too much.

that these things start to happen? its so weird. how can she be in each of my dreams??? its all different types of dreams but she’s always in them.

i think this is totally lovestruck.

Oh my!

so last night i dreamt of her. and it was wonderful. thank you,Allah. you’ve grant me my wish. thank you for letting me know what it feels like to be in a relationship with her. to have her to like me. now i know.

in the dream,i remember we were in class,and i was talking to fatin ! yep i was friends with fatin!!! again! so everything must be cool with us!!! and she was sitting on the other side of the class. and she kept calling me but i was so interested in talking to fatin and she just passed notes (two notes) to me. she said dont show them to people. and i opened them. the first note said “aq suka qaw.” guna ayat rempit dia. then the second note said the reason she liked me. i cant remember. 

and i was so happy. i smiled and looked at her. she smiled back.but her hair looked kinda funny in the dream.whatever.

then we were in another classroom,and we sat at the back and the class was boring and we skipped it. the weird part was that ckg leni and ckg faezah was teaching us? haha okay. then we ran to our asrama i think. then i told her i left my stuff in the classroom. how stupid of me. she suggested we go back and get them. but by the time we reached the class,the teachers were waiting for us. we kinda freaked out. the teachers came to us and asked “are you the students that skipped class?” we replied “ theyre from another class.” and we ran off.

we were laughing and she kept do the smile at me.and we were in our dorms and was supposed to be minggu balik but i didnt.

so i was hanging out with my friends and i heard zunita and her.and i heard zunita said “ha tgk! syasya pun tak balik!.” and i saw her peeping inside and she smiled shyly knowing i was there? but i kinda ignored her and kept talking to my friends.

well…thats the dream.but i’m so happy that i know now what it feels have her to like me.this dream is good enough for me.

if being with you means losing my friends.then i rather let you go

i cant believe i was this close to being with you but then you’re so excited to tell the world and now my friends doesnt want to talk to me

i hate you but i wont stop loving you 

please be matured. i want you. and we can work this out.

put away your ego.

i dont want to think about it but

it feels like a curse

that when i’m happy and everybody’s in a bad mood

but then i get bad mood because of them

and THEN suddenly everyone’s in a good mood

which leaves me looking like an idiot not joining them laughing and whatsoever

seriously what?

oh people


i did TERRIBLE during the intership for draping just now


i just want to scream and pull my hair without feeling any pain.

thats it.there’s no hope for me to get any place for the top student this semester.just the thought of it breaks my heart.

i kept picturing the face of my mom,and my friends when i cant even be the best of myself.

i hate myself.i sweat like crazy during the exam.not to mention the anxiety and insecurities that took over me and i couldnt even think straight.

ckg sufiza kept laughing at my work.oh god it was the worst feeling.i didnt want to look at her face.let alone,i was next to one of the best and talented student so everytime i looked over and her work was so amazing and neat.

at this point,its just me.i’m so scared.of failing.i was thinking about my future and what i can be when i cant even do this draping intership right.two more days to go.Corporate Wear,Evening wear and Supervisory Functions.

and here i am,feeling depressed

and now some Arctic Monkeys tshirts would make me feel better :(

i want them all

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